Which Technology Monster Are You?

In honor of Halloween, we’ve identified 5 kinds of “technology monsters” you often seen roaming in the daylight.  From zombies to Frankenstein’s monster to vampires to witches…

Which monster of technology are you?

The Technology Zombie

scary zombie using a smartphone, with a filter effect You can spot the technology zombie minutes or hours before he or she’ll  spot  you because their heads will be so into their technology they will  have no awareness of their surroundings.  Signs that you’re becoming a  technology zombie include:  a mobile device that’s seemingly grafted into  your flesh; no recollection of where that last hour went when you were  “just going to check Facebook;” the inability to tolerate natural light;  overeagerness to use a device (any device!);  a nervous twitch to anything  resembling a notification; the inability to construct complete sentences  getting distracted


The Ghosts of Technology Past

Ghost computer key


Ghosts of technology past keep haunting you with the same question, “Why do we have to try something new?  Why isn’t the old way better?  Can’t we just use this Atari and a pager for all of our transactions?”  When their beliefs are challenged, some ghosts are benevolent, others can be vindictive.  You can spot a ghost of technology past fading into the background of any technology discussion, woefully shaking their heads, muttering about “the good old days.”



Frankenstein’s Monster of Technology

Frankenstein's monster

How many technologies have you cobbled together to create your current system?  One? Two?  Twenty?  A true Frankenstein’s monster of technology will have cobbled together at least 5 seemingly disparate technologies and devices to create their system.  “I’ve jailbroken my iPhone so it can accept Android technology, which I use to submit to the cloud.  Then, using IFTTT, I send it to 6 different places on the web, before using custom code to translate all the lead gen from my online CRM to my offline CRM.”  Signs you may be this kind of monster include: taking longer than 10 minutes to explain all the components of your current system, frequent cursing when system gets upended when one component updates and fails to work with another component anymore, technology hoarding (yes, that includes apps), overcomplicating something that was once fairly simple



The Vampires of Technology

Vampire Teeth


Vampires of technology are not as easy to spot.  They can walk in daylight, stand in churches and are immune to crosses, garlic and holy water.  You’ll know you’ve encountered them when, after explaining a new technology or system to someone, you walk away feeling drained…and with the realization  they will never, ever implement what you just spent time teaching them.  Vampires of technology want to suck all the knowledge out, without giving back, and without using the knowledge.  Beware the drain!


Technology Witches and Wizards

Witch and Wizard

Some may say it’s magic.  Some say they’re show-offs.  Others might think they were born to it.  Witches and wizards of technology make everything technological look easy.  New device?  No problem.  Within seconds, they’ve customized it, added new apps and are ready to rock-and-roll.   New app?  Within seconds, they’ve written a piece on how to best use it for your industry.  That problem with your tablet you’ve been having for the past 7 days?  Hand it over to them, and in minutes, the problem is solved.  Witches and wizards can be frustrating, but often are amazing teachers if they’ve got the patience and you take the time to listen.


Which monster of technology do you most identify with?


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